With a world of experience to draw on, our Bon Vivant wonders what it is that makes the perfect hotel, and indulges in a little fantasy hotel management to create his own

My perfect hotel? Well, the short answer is the hotel which, as I brandish my credit card – whatever the colour – gives me some semblance of good service, a smiling receptionist and a good night’s sleep. Believe me – that is certainly not always possible.

The longer answer to that question often put to me is, firstly, I think I’d like the man who said this to be the General Manager of My Perfect Hotel: “Hotels provide the privacy of a prison, the luxury of a palace, the anonymity of the confessional, the judgement of no one and a personal relationship that is dealt in pounds shillings and pence, or dollars or dinars. There is no bad conscience, it is not too expensive and nobody knows…” He has the right idea about running an hotel. But more on GM’s later.

Regular readers of this column will know that my favourite hotels worldwide never change: The Mandarin, Hong Kong, The Oriental, Bangkok, The Legian, Bali, and The Carlyle, New York. So My Perfect Hotel would be a combination of all of my top hotels and a few others. So here goes.

Let’s start outside. My Perfect Hotel would be grand, very grand. The façade of The Ritz, London or The Ritz hotels in Barcelona or Madrid would do. It would have fantastic views – like those of The Legian, Bali – right on a stunning white sandy beach which each day entertains you with a cabaret of surfing boys and girls, walkers, joggers, beautiful bodies and locals.

My Perfect Hotel view would also have to include one of Central Park, New York, like those from a suite at very near the top of the skyscraper Peninsula Hotel. I’d also have to have included in this view one of The Grand Canal, Venice and the Terrace of the sublime Gritti Palace – surely among the top ten views of the world? The Château Eza in the south of France must also come in here with another unparalleled view. Room 12 with its private terrace overlooking a swathe of the famous coast is my favourite.

This hotel would also have to have an ideal situation like that of the terribly chic Durley House, London, especially for a shopaholic like me – where you just fall out of one of the hotel’s Frette-sheeted beds and you are in Sloane Street, Knightsbridge and among the world’s top shops.

It would need to be near a lovely old but lively city, this perfect hotel of mine. Like The Gran Hotel Son Net in the hills to the west of Palma, Majorca, and only a 15-minute drive to the city centre which has become one of the top cities of the Mediterranean with its terrific shopping, eating out and a lively cultural life.

Inside, My Perfect Hotel’s décor would be a combination of the simplistic elegance of Phillipe Starck and understated smartness of The Fesano Hotel, Sau Paulo. Designed and owned by the Italian Fesano family, the hotel has an utterly gorgeous lobby with aged leathered chairs and a startling striped carpet. My hotel would also have some of the style and individualism of say Chateau Bagnols in France – with rolling Beaujolais vineyards with towers, a moat and a drawbridge. Bliss.

I have to bring in here my all time favourite hostelry in Cape Town, Ellerman House, that chic hideaway on that gorgeous promontory overlooking the ocean. Only a select few can gain admittance each year so book early… like a year in advance.

The staff of My Perfect Hotel would probably all originate in Asia, as they alone know the true meaning of service. Things, however, are improving in Europe: there is now a new breed of hotel staff coming out of Holland, for example, with a good idea of what it means to be in the service industry.

My place would have a chef – not a celebrity – who is proud of his cooking and acutely aware of the kind of local food his customers actually want. The menu would be interesting, contemporary and broad. A collection perhaps of dishes sampled in some of the best restaurants I’ve visited in Sydney, Barcelona and London, with a twist of Thai and Indonesian thrown in.

And so to my General Manager. Ah, GMs. Mine would sleep in every room and suite regularly to understand what his guests need and the room lacks. He’ll make himself known to guests and not hide in his office. He will be up to speed with the competition and always willing to try something new. He won’t feed you a load of bull nor will he relax into corporate speak when in a difficult corner. He’ll be a bit of an eccentric – after all, hotels thrive on people with panache and personality.

My manager would be given extensive training where he’d learn about dedication both to service and the bottom line from people who have put their own money into hotels and succeeded. He’ll have been to the same hotel school as that hotel icon Mr Kurt Wackervill, who for centuries has reigned so professionally at The Oriental, Bangkok. In fact, he’d do as manager. Now if he could just get all of my other wishes together, under one roof, then you’d have My Perfect Hotel.

JIM DUNN founded TPS, which became Britain's biggest travel public relations firm before it was sold to Weber Shandwick in 1994. He is now an author and lecturer